Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
3 2 1 whiskey
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
