im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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