In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
