Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
