32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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