porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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