for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
