My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
