Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
