I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
