I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
