I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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