I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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