i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize