Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
