i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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