yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
