he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
