Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
