i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
