Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
