forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
