Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
