Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
