I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
