I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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