Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
