I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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