We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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