I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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