Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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