woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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