broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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