I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize