"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
