i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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