are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
