kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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