Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
