you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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