everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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