Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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