i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
