Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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