what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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