It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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