Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
