Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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