So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
