remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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