If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So much Jack, so little girl.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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