just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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