The brown eye won't let me do that either.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
