Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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