There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
