allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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