A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
