I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
