i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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