I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
