Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
